The Stripes n' Spots Shuffles
by Peter the Muggle
Summary: A short collection of shuffles based on the Tai Lung and Tigress as the main characters. Mostly humor, a few adult situations and mild language.
1. Chapter 1

_**Well, I've said to myself that I would try this for the longest time and now I finally have! Four short shuffles for Tai and Tigress, a pairing that continues to be extremely well-received by the fans :-) It's a tough pairing to write for since both parties have quite the baggage to deal with, but I hope I managed to write them well enough to be believable.**_

_**Please read and review!

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"**Are You Gonna Go my Way?" by Lenny Kravitz**

Tigress felt her heart pounding against her sternum as she inflicted a barrage of punches, chops and kicks against her opponent. She rarely had to really unleash her full strength against her sparring partners, even if the rest of the Five were fully capable of taking it – there was always something in the back of one's mind that told them never to hurt someone that you had to share a meal with afterwards.

"My, I'm afraid I was wrong about you my dear," drawled her opponent, blocking her attacks with one (dammit, _one_) arm, the action akin to him swatting flies from the air.

Tai Lung smirked as his sparring partner struggled to hide her frustration, controlling her breathing so it that didn't look as shallow and rapid as it actually was.

Pushing his luck the snow leopard, let out a low chuckle. "You hit like a _girl_."

With a loud roar, the striped feline leapt at Tai Lung and tackled him to the ground.

"Say that _again_. I dare you," she snarled, her face inches away from his.

Tai Lung raised an eyebrow, managing to seem nonchalant despite the female tiger straddling his waist, albeit the action had murderous intentions. "I never said it was a bad thing."

Tigress was confused this time. "Huh?"

"I mean, you _are_ a girl aren't you?" the snow leopard said smoothly, meeting her eyes with his own.

Quick as a flash, Tigress jumped up, mumbled a quick apology-excuse combination and ran off.

Dusting his trousers off, Tai Lung let out a low whistle as he watched his sparring partner leave. "And what a girl you are, indeed."

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"**Tell The Truth" by Paul Gilbert**

"I'll take your sword slashes," said Tigress, smoothing out the orange fur on her wrists to expose the scars. "And raise you my rope burns."

Tai Lung smiled before standing up and doing the same around the fuzz covering his ribs, showing an exact same scar pattern. "Heh, same here except they tied me to a mountain while they were at it. Took me two hours of chewing to escape."

The female tiger's eyes narrowed slightly, looking defeated.

"What about this," said the snow leopard, sitting back down on the floor of Tigress' room. "I got this when I was delivering farming implements to a village in Tibet." With this, he loosened the iron studded belt he wore and lowered the waist band of his trousers slightly to reveal a rather large scar on his left hip, undoubtedly made by something very sharp.

"Is that an arrow wound?" said Tigress, "On your butt?"

The snow leopard flushed. "No, it's my hip! I did not, nor have I ever, been wounded on the backside."

"Oh, I think I know an arrow to the ass when I see one," said Tigress, barely restrained giggles coming from her throat.

"Yeah? How so?" demanded Tai Lung, quickly pulling up his pants.

Sighing dramatically, the female tiger stood up, loosened her own white cloth belt and repeated the snow leopard's earlier action, except this time lowering the right side of her waistband.

"There you go," she said. "Spear to the butt."

"Ahem."

Both felines looked at the unexpected visitor, the tall bird looking somewhere between disapproving and highly amused.

"Am I interrupting something?" said Crane, keeping his voice even. He motioned with his beak towards Tigress, still exposing her hip.

The striped cat quickly pulled up her pants and turned crimson before sitting back down with a plop. "Nothing. There was _nothing_ to interrupt. You are interrupting _nothing_."

Crane raised an eyebrow. "Alright, if you say so. Tai Lung, shouldn't you be getting back to your own room?" said the avian, eyeing the ex-convict who was hugging his knees and looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"I will, just give me a damn _minute_ will you?" came the terse reply from the larger feline, bringing his knees closer to himself and muttering odd things. "Dung beetles, dung beetles, dung beetles…."

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"**Party Hard" by Andrew W.K.**

_This_ was why Viper was always wary about drinking games. Every time, someone would suggest some liquor to take off the edge and everybody else would try to hide the event from a certain striped _someone_. Said striped someone would then inevitably find out about the game, forget about the last time she tried it, and proceed to get drunk off her gourd in the first few minutes.

"And then, I ha' to go so I jus' went right there," said a certain very drunk someone, unabashedly regaling their recent newcomer with the tale of her answering the call of nature during a very, _very_ long trek in the woods.

The newcomer however, seemed to share something in common with the striped someone.

"Mmm, yeah, I know whatcha mean. When you gotta go, ya gotta go…" he said, before falling asleep, still muttering incoherently.

"Yeah, I was holding it fer like a _million _hours! I thought my bladder was gon' blow!" laughed the striped someone passing out as well.

Watching the scene around her, Viper could only imagine how Shifu would react if he saw his two best students passed out on top of each other. Maybe the fact that the three other males had gone off their own rockers a while ago, left, and decided to launch fireworks into the village Consul's house would soften the blow of seeing Tigress and Tai Lung in a very compromising position.

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**"What's My Age Again?" by Blink 182**

Tigress shivered as the cold night air continued to blow against her bare fur, causing the orange and black filaments to stand on end. Instead of rubbing her arms to bring heat into them, she chose to keep her self adequately covered, one arm draped on her chest and the other hand on her groin. The bush she hid behind was large and very leafy, yet she couldn't bring to drop her arms from their current position.

"This is all your fault!" she hissed over at the other bush, housing a snow leopard in a very similar state as she currently was. "'Oh, don't worry, they'll be gone all day!' A little off the mark weren't you?"

"Hey, as I recall, you didn't have any other questions nor objections after that!" replied Tai Lung, sticking his head out of his own hiding spot, glaring at his partner in crime. "And wasn't it _your_ idea in the first place to do it, 'out under the stars' as you put it?"

"Well, if it wasn't for _you_, we wouldn't have had all our clothes stolen!" snapped Tigress, hiding a pang of guilt, as it _was_ her idea to go skinny dipping by the nearby river.

"If you couldn't tell, I was a wee bit _distracted_ at the time!"

"Shut up, just shut up! We have to get to the Palace before they notice we're gone!" hissed the female cat, mustering up her courage and bolting out of her hiding place, still covering herself. This made running on all fours quite impossible; not that she'd want to do that in her current state and being followed by him.

"Fine, fine, I'm coming..." said Tai Lung, emerging from his own spot and preparing to run.

"K-keep yourself covered! Dammit! You damned deviant, _exhibitionist_!" yelled Tigress, averting her eyes from her companion and shuffling away as fast as she could on two legs.

"You didn't have a problem with it when we were by the river!" said Tai Lung, posing in a way that made Tigress turn red from head to foot.

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"**Sideways" Citizen Cope ft. Santana**

"You alright?" asked Tigress, joining the silent snow leopard on his perch by the bar of the small tavern.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" he drawled, drinking from his cup. "I mean, we saved the farming village and stopped the flood right?"

"Yeah, we did good. _You_ did good," she said, awkwardly raising a hand to pat him on the back.

"They still hate me, not that I can blame them" said the snow leopard quietly, hunched over in his seat. "I mean, the only reason Rong here hasn't thrown me out is because he's blind and only speaks Cantonese."

The bartender, a sheep with a blindfold over his eyes turned his head at hearing his name and smiled while continuing to clean a cup with a rag. After a few moments, he put down the cup and went over to the two felines sitting together.

Standing in front of the two cats, the bartender leaned over the counter and whispered, "I don't just speak Cantonese, you know."

Tai Lung's eyes widened. "What? I made a damn fool of myself trying to order a drink from you not a minute ago!"

"Ain't nobody made a fool of you when there aren't any witnesses," Rong replied, raising his blindfold to show one milky white eye. "Too bad your lady friend here heard everything."

Tigress wrinkled her nose at the non-too-subtle implication. "Just a friend. Not a 'lady-friend'."

"So, why haven't you thrown me out yet?" asked Tai Lung, nursing his drinking cup like precious jewel. "I still can't make them accept that I've changed. I didn't even manage to save all the crops. I'm a damned failure."

"I've never let what I _can't_ do interfere with I _can_ do," replied Rong, deftly grabbing three tall bottles their necks, tossing them in the air, catching one behind his back and the remaining two with one hand. Amidst all this, he had managed to procure a new cup and mixed the contents of the three bottles into a new brew.

"Drinks' on me, you two," he said pleasantly as the two felines looked on in awe of his skill. "Non-alcoholic, for you kung-fu people."

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_**Special thanks to nievelion for allowing me to base one of the shuffles ("What's My Age Again?" if you couldn't tell) on his fic "Different Lesson" ;D He's the one who encouraged me to give this pairing a try and I think I've warmed up to it quite well.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Here's another set of shuffles! I really am having fun with these, in case you guys didn't notice. Read and review please!

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"_**Got You Where I Want You" by The Flys**_

Sneaking up into the mercenary camp wasn't all that difficult, considering most of the men were still nursing their wounds, courtesy of the famous Master Tigress.

He found her in a small cave turned into a makeshift cell, barricaded by a large steel door lined with spikes. Inside, Tai Lung saw the female master, shackled from head to toe, thick ropes around her form and her mouth gagged with a piece of sack-cloth.

"Hey love, sorry for making you wait, had to get a disguise together."

"Mmmph," she responded as he walked over the door, a look of appreciation in her eyes.

"They treating you well? Did they hurt you?"

She shook her head. "Mmmph-mmmph." She tried to hold up her paws, indicating her desire to be freed.

Nodding, Tai Lung took out what looked to be a small carpenter's file from the thick cloak he wore and began to slowly scrape out an escape route.

**Shhhk. Shhhk. Shhhk**_**.**_

"You know, while we're here, I want to say something…"

"Mmmpphh. Mmmmphh-**mmmmpphh**!" she replied, glaring as he took his time.

"Will do me the honour of having dinner with me? I mean, this is the fifth time I've asked you…"

"**Mmmmpphh!**"

"All those other times, you said you'd think about it. You know, after you hit me."

"Mmppphhh-mmmph-mmmpph! _Mmmmmppph_!"

"Well, now that you can't, I just want to say that…"

CRASH!

Dumbfounded, Tai Lung gaped as he saw a large, Tigress shaped hole in the opposite end of the cave, the beam of light streaming brightly from the exit.

"Does that mean you'll think about it?" he called, hearing a frustrated growl in the other end.

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"_**Man Of Many Words" by Joe Bonamassa**_

Roaming the Jade Palace grounds, Viper tried to look for a flash of orange fur or tail or anything that might lead her to Tigress. The poor girl had apparently seen something that turned her into a quivering mess and she had seen the infamously tenacious feline leave the Jade Palace in a hurry.

"Tigress? Are you here?" she called out. "Come on, what's bothering you?"

"V-v-v-v-i-p-p-p-per…."

The serpent leapt in the air as she heard the quavering voice behind her. Turning around, she found a soaking wet female tiger, her clothes and fur drenched in what seemed to be freezing water.

"Eeep! Tigress, what happened to you?" yelped Viper, helping Tigress sit down on the grass. The poor thing was still shivering violently, glaring angrily at the air in front of her.

Swallowing nervously, Viper looked over at her companion. "What happened? I thought you were going to review the Thousand Scrolls with Tai Lung."

"I was," she muttered, her breath coming out in a fog as water continued to drip down her whiskers. "He already….started when I got there."

"So? From what I saw, you barely walked into the training room before you decided freezing yourself to death was a good idea."

"He was reviewing…._it_."

"Wha-?"

"Scroll Number 458. Master Hoi Chuen's Scroll."

The serpent's entire head turned purple and she began to sputter. "Er, you mean…the scroll about…the…um…."

"Yeah, the _pushups_," Tigress muttered again, face blanching red. "He was right in the middle of…._reviewing_ it, too."

Viper swallowed mightily, staying silent for a while. "So….can he really do it? You know….the pushups?"

Without answering, Tigress stood up and walked towards the Pool of Sacred Tears. She stood on the precipice of the pool for a few seconds, before falling into the icy water like a downed tree.

Viper could only look, her mouth agape. "Hmmm, guess he _can_."

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"_**Green Christmas" by Barenaked Ladies**_

"So…that Captain Shang seems like quite a fellow," said Tai Lung, brightly and more importantly, _normally_. Because, honestly, why shouldn't his voice sound normal? The tiger captain seemed to be a genuinely nice man, if a bit gregarious and overly ambitious.

"Yes, he is," replied Tigress with a smile, looking approvingly as the large tiger waved goodbye to them from his tent, far in the distance. "He's been an unofficial military liaison to the Jade Palace for a year now."

"Hmm, really? Seems a bit young to be captain already," said Tai Lung. It was true; Dao Shang was barely out of his twenties, yet he was one of the most respected military figures in China. Word had it that he was eyeing the position of General of the Imperial Navy.

"Yeah, he's a real catch," said Tigress, sighing.

Tai Lung's eyes narrowed. _Sighing_? Over a _man_? Unacceptable! She was Master Tigress for heaven's sake! She was a hero, a legend, the only female….

Well _damn_. She _was_ a young woman – a beautiful, intelligent and courageous woman - and she was damn well allowed to feel whatever she desired, for whomever she desired.

He glared over his shoulder at the military camp from where they came. Little prick was probably a brown noser through and through. From the looks of him, the tosser likely never turned down an invitation to a woman's bedroom. He wasn't even that good looking!

Tigress smirked at the bristling snow leopard, deciding to twist the knife a little. "Yeah, he really is my type…"

Tai Lung snarled so low that a few people began to avoid him as they made their way to town.

"….too bad he's in love with his lieutenant."

"Huh? You mean…Lieutenant Fa Zhu? The little white tiger? They're…."

"Yep," responded Tigress with a laugh. The snow leopard honestly didn't need to know right now the real nature behind the captain and lieutenant's relationship, though she did plan on elaborating why the small white tiger was known by his _father's _name.

"Now come on, I wanna get some _green_ apples for Shifu."

"Yes'm," said Tai Lung, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

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"_**That Fresh Feeling" by The Eels**_

There was a part of Tigress that wanted to spit out the vile liquid that burned its way down her throat and into her stomach. As soon as the alcohol took effect however, she decided it was worth it, as it helped her forget.

"There you are," she heard a low baritone beside her say. She hastily hid the bottle of rice wine under her bed, greeting her visitor with a hard glare.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

"Just here to talk," said the snow leopard, looking grave as he shuffled inside her room. "Nobody blames you, you know."

"That's _my_ line," she said automatically, remembering an eariler conversation with the ex-con. Her vision beginning to spin; damn it, she really was a light weight when it came to drinking. "Look, I know. We did everything we could. Still wasn't enough."

She took out the bottle again, taking another drought.

Tai Lung walked closer and gently took the bottle from her hands. "It's okay, Tigress."

She glared at him angrily. "How is it okay? We couldn't stop them. I got so caught up in the fighting. Did I even once think to look back and see that those bandits were raiding the crops and the village treasury? I should've just walked away and now look what my idiocy's done! Those villagers are going to break their necks re-planting those crops!"

"We'll help them. Shifu already gave us the go ahead to join the farming."

"They shouldn't have to need our help again!" she yelled, swallowing thickly. "It's all my damn fault!"

Tai Lung knelt gently beside her, imitating her hunched position. "I'm still proud of you, you know that?"

"For what? Don't patronize me with that crap about 'doing my best'. This wasn't a competition, and you know it."

"No, I know you don't like it. I'm proud of you because you've been doing this kind of thing nearly your whole life, but when things go wrong, you still take it _this_ hard. I see that and I think to myself '_that's the kind of person I want to be'._"

Tigress turned her head to look at him, dumbfounded but a sign of appreciation in her eyes.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

_**A/N: The shuffle based on "Man of Many Words" is a quasi-sequel to Chapter 2 of my other fic series,"Furious", so you might wanna check that out if you didn't get the reason why Tigress was so bothered by the 'pushups'.**_

_**Captain Shang and Lieutenant's Zhu's relationship ("Green Christmas") might not be as obvious as what some of you are thinking. I'm planning on expanding on that eventually but I already gave a hint as to the true nature of the lieutenant ;-) See if you guys can spot it!**_

_**Finally, "Fresh Feeling" has its final conversation based on a similar one between Zach Braff and John C. McGinley in a episode of Scrubs. That song always reminded me of that episode so I couldn't help myself x-D **_


End file.
